Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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