I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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