I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then again, he has huge mansions.