You just made me feel so damn special
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
