I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair