jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
