i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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