i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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