You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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