drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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