it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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