Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
