Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
