I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
