we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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