it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
