he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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