I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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