So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Couch. On fire.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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