Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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