My liver just broke up with me...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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