My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
