just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
