He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
