I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
