She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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