Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
