can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Buhtt sex?
I wish I only lived at night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
