Why are handjobs necessary in class?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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