dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She needs sedatives and a leash
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
is it fun? or sober?
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