was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
