I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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