he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
