ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
