I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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