Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
