I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
