Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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