I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
