the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
