I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
