I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
