I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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