I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
