I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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