He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
