Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
