I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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