Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
