around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
