I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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