im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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