My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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