There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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