Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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