I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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