My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
