Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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