Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
