so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
