It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
