no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize