kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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