Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
