the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
