I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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