I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
