Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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