Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
