Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
