Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
